A Thank-You to My Exes.

If any of you have been there for the anguish that my exes have caused me, you were probably a little confused as to why exactly I am extending a public thank-you to them. As if the countless number of break-ups, tears, break-downs, and nights when I forced my friends to watch all the Men in Black movies (it’s my go to sad-time movie) with me weren’t enough to make me want to forget every failed relationship that I’ve ever had…

Yet here I am.

Dear ex-boyfriends,

Thank you for failing me. Thank you for treating me in ways that I didn’t deserve to be treated. Most importantly, thank you for showing me how human you are.

Love Always, Coco

My past relationships failed for various reasons but to put it simply- it usually involved the shortcomings of both parties that led to the end of most of them. I could sit here and bash my exes, but that would be absolutely ridiculous. So if you clicked on this blog expecting that, I’m sure Buzzfeed has something you can occupy your mind with.

As for the rest of you, let’s chat.

Why on earth am I thanking these men?

Because their failures helped bring me to the most treasured part of my life. Their failures as men (and as human beings in general) helped me grow and get to a point in my life where I came to a HUGE realization that impacted my entire future.

There were countless nights where I cried myself to sleep over these guys, wishing that heart-ache wouldn’t hurt so bad. If you’re anything like me, then you know what I’m talking about when I say that I “thought they were the one.” They weren’t. But what girl wouldn’t desire a man (I’m talking about a REAL man) to pursue her? That was my issue. I wanted to be desirable. I wanted to be pursued so I was willing to do anything to make these guys WANT to pursue me. I guess you could say I was “thirsty.”

Here’s the real kicker though: I was already being pursued. I was being pursued that entire time. But I was too blind to see it. I had love-drunk glasses on and I was headed in the wrong direction. Each relationship brought me through a roller coaster of emotions. It went from fighting to love to bliss to hate… my relationships were all over the place.

Was there something wrong with me? Was I not desirable?

It wasn’t until recently that I jumped off of my relationship roller coaster and landed on the ground that I REALLY had a taste of reality. I didn’t ever want to get back on that roller coaster. But I knew that I was missing something. So I started searching.

I searched through the rubble of my past relationships, through the memories that now broke my heart, and through the pain of my past mistakes. That’s when I found it.

My treasured space.

It’s a spot in my heart that nothing else can fill, no man can degrade it, no past mistake can destroy it… it’s originally and perfectly mine.

This spot is where Jesus resides.

Can you believe it took me years to find this place? But now it is my treasured spot. The part of my heart that is in constant communication with Jesus.

How did I find it? I listened. It took me a long time to figure out what I was missing, that this emptiness that I had been feeling and this desire to be loved and pursued by someone were the result of not seeing the One that had been there all along. Jesus was pursuing me, every day, every hour, every moment. But I was too concerned about finding “the one” to see that THE ONLY ONE I NEEDED was right beside me the entire time.

So what on earth do my past relationships have to do with Jesus?

My past relationships helped to perfect my relationship with Jesus.

I’m sorry. What, come again???

You heard me.

The failures of my past relationships brought me closer to Jesus. The ways in which those men failed me helped me to come to the realization that Jesus is PERFECT. All of the pain that my past relationships caused me brought me to what I call my treasure. Because falling in love with Jesus and having a relationship with Him IS the most treasured part of my life. Nothing brings me greater joy or satisfaction in this world than knowing that I am my Beloved's and His desire is for me. I never have to wonder if the love we share is mutual, I never have to read into his text messages to see if He's interested or not. I KNOW Jesus is interested in me. The Bible is literally Jesus's love letter to me, and to ALL OF US!

Jesus satisfies my heart in a way that no being on earth will ever be capable of, which is why I suggest that we all strive to make Him our Lover. I used a capital L because while boyfriends may come and go, Jesus will always be my number one man. While I may have other "lovers" (as weird as that sounds), Jesus is my permanent Love. But I can't brag about MY love for Jesus, because I fail Him every day. I'm not even close to perfect, but thankfully I learn something new every day in my relationship with Jesus. YES. I SAID RELATIONSHIP.

Having faith is a relationship. If you love someone you’re going to want to communicate with them, spend time with them, and share a huge part of your life with them. Now think about how much you love Jesus… uhh, wouldn’t you want to do all of that stuff with Him, too? Religion isn’t a “just on Sunday” sort of a thing—it’s an every moment thing.

So would I go back and change anything in those relationships?

Of course. I wish I would have led those guys closer to God and challenged them to be men. But thankfully God can turn anything broken into something beautiful. He’s working on those men because I know He hears my prayers for them every day. Besides, if He can transform and heal a woman that is as stubborn as I am, then I can say with full confidence that nothing is impossible for Him.

If you’re someone who is suffering from guilt of past relationships or just from your past in general, give it to Jesus. Don’t starve yourself from the love and freedom that comes with surrendering your past to God. I promise you that it is amazing. And I challenge you to try to see the positive in your past. Think about where God was in all of those moments, maybe in all of those failed relationships, or those late night mistakes. I want you to think about any positive outcome that may have come out of it. Even if it’s just simply that you learned from your mistakes.

Thank your exes. Leave the past behind. The future is full of love that will set you free.